i keep thinking i get it and mostly i do. for others.
as others share the potholes in their journey i am quick to remind of the need to be gentle. to rest in the arms of the One who loves first. to breathe when all else is overwhelming. in. out. repeat. just breathe.
so much harder to extend to myself. in the midst of wrestling with things that wear me out physically, emotionally, and spiritually i expect to be able to maintain this crazy list of expectations written in my sky.
one of the places i go when i need to remember grace extends even to me is Matthew 6. these words speak to my heart in a way i cannot explain. they soothed me as a sweet one faced heart surgery, as i left all i knew to follow God to a very flat place and then to a holy mountain, when i doubted my ability love and to be loved, and once more today.
the transliteration from The Message speaks to my heart and soul as i wrestle to accept a small portion of grace for myself today:
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
yes! i need to steep myself in God…
like that tea sitting on the counter.
steep…rest…knowing that as I do God is making me stronger, bolder, somehow better as I relax into re-remembering that God has this stuff.
God is more than with me…before, behind, and all around me…
much like the water as the tea brews…
moving in and through and around allowing me to become better than when i am dry and sitting in a place away from grace.
i remember that for right now I can erase the list in the sky, breathe in, breathe out, repeat as I steep in the arms of the One that loves me first.